My blog: Find your way

Why not be more like your heroes? Let’s give ourselves permission to explore a bold idea: steal from your heroes! Before you think I’ve lost my mind, let me explain. As Pablo Picasso famously said, “the bad artists imitate, the great artists steal” . We’re not talking about passively imitating or replicating others. That approach is limiting and dangerous. It’s not about comparing ourselves to others or falling into the envy trap that social media often encourages. Instead, we’re discussing the power of being inspired: exploring the qualities and traits of those we admire and making them our own in a fresh and original way. Consider one of your heroes. What is heroic about them? This is an opportunity to expand ourselves, grow new and genuine parts of our identity, and reach out to play those piano keys that are not straight in front of us, but that are still part of who we are. This is also the secret to tend to our creativity and curiosity about the world and who we can become if we let go of the self-imposed limits for the sake of being authentic. This is explained in the work of Hermina Ibarra in her HBR article “The Authenticity Paradox”. While knowing who you are, developing self-awareness is foundational and extremely important - it’s the first step I take in my program with my clients - it’s equally important to not let the commitment to our true self compromise our growth and development. In other words, we need to expand our story, not be confined by it. This is my tip for you, inspired by Marshall Goldsmith's latest book “The Earned Life”: Write down the names of one or more of your heroes Notice what you admire about them. What values, skills, habits, and tricks could you “steal”? Now, cross out their names and write yours instead Be open and curious and notice what idea/aspiration appears. What can you do to embody the qualities that impress you most about them? This exercise may start as a small seed of an idea. With curiosity, courage and patience, it can give you the clarity to find the next sustainable steps you can take in your personal or professional life. So, honor your beautiful self, and also be open, to expand your comfort zone . Embrace the journey of growth and becoming what you have yet to be—and don’t forget to express gratitude to your heroes along the way!

Start the Day with a Positive Mind! As the summer holidays come to an end and the school year begins, many of us find ourselves returning to a more regular rhythm in our work and daily lives. This time presents a perfect opportunity to introduce positive changes that can enhance the quality of our lives. As a coach, one of my primary goals is to support clients in creating sustainable, positive habits. Our lives are shaped by the routines and habits we establish over time, so it’s essential to cultivate as many positive ones as possible. The one habit I encourage you to experiment with in the next few weeks is the practice of energizing your brain to shift from the autopilot mode of our survival brain to a more optimistic, solution-oriented, and empathetic mindset. In the Buddhist tradition, the first phase of meditation, known as Samatha, emphasizes mental focus and concentration on a single element, such as your breath. The objective of this practice is to achieve presence, peace, mental clarity, and openness. Positive Intelligence reframes this tradition by suggesting that we focus on any physical sensations (breath, touch, taste, smell…) to enhance our mental fitness. By using these sensations as anchors to bring us into the present moment, we can support a shift from a state of fight, flight, or freeze to a mindset of safety and trust. This shift energizes a different part of our brain, allowing us to think more empathetically and optimistically. In one of our earlier newsletters, I identified three key factors that contribute to successfully establishing new habits (based on research, working with my clients, and personal experience): Link New Habits to Existing Ones : By connecting a new habit to an established routine, you create a natural pathway for integration. Start Small : Breaking down new habits into manageable steps makes them less overwhelming and easier to incorporate into your routine. Celebrate Your Progress : Acknowledging your efforts and rewarding yourself for small victories reinforces the new habit and keeps you motivated, thanks to the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This positive reinforcement is crucial for long-term success. Returning to our goal of energizing our brains, mornings, rich with established routines, offer a great opportunity to start the day with positivity. Taking a moment to fill your cup and ground yourself before diving into the day’s demands can make a significant difference. Here are my tips for you: Practice Mental Fitness using Existing Routines : Use your morning routines as opportunities to practice mindfulness. For example: when you wake up and put your feet on the ground, notice the sensation of the floor beneath your feet and the weight of your body pressing down. When you wash your face: Pay attention to the water temperature on your skin, the smell of the soap, and the texture of your skin. While making your first cup of tea or coffee, focus on your breath, the warmth of the cup, the aroma, and the taste as you sip. And so on. Use your creativity, experiment and find the ones you enjoy the most. Explore Your Breathing : If you can wake up a few minutes earlier than usual, consider incorporating a short Samatha meditation. Sit comfortably, with your back straight, and focus on your breathing, notice the air that enters and exits your nostrils, the raising and falling of your stomach. When the mind wanders, bring it back to your breathing. Simple, easy, without judgment. Notice how it affects your state of mind. This practice will deepen your connection to yourself, bring you to the present moment, reduce anxiety, and enhance your mental fitness. Give it a try! Acknowledge and Celebrate : After these mindful moments, take a moment to acknowledge how you feel and celebrate! No matter how small these practices are, you did it! So... “Mornings are made of gold” I couldn’t agree more. By integrating these practices into your morning routine, you will get mentally fitter, and create a foundation for positivity that sets you up for the day ahead. Embrace the power of small, intentional changes to cultivate a more fulfilling life!

Let's learn to fail! Let's start by saying that failing is hard . It threatens our sense of self, often evoking feelings of shame and a fear of not belonging or being accepted. Our natural inclination isn't to face failure constructively; this fear can undermine our potential and lead us to dwell on negative thoughts, wasting valuable time and resources. Interestingly, we’re often told that failure is desirable, that we must "fail fast, fail often". The problem is that neither approach works because it skips the important step of distinguishing the good failures from the bad. In her latest book, "The Right Kind of Wrong", Amy Edmondson - the world’s most influential organizational psychologist - creates awareness of the various forms of failure and offers a framework to reshape our habits, enabling us to learn and evolve from these experiences. Failures are not equal , as the author explains, there are three main categories: Basic failures , "not the right kind of wrong," occur within familiar circumstances due to factors such as inattention, neglect, or overconfidence. These failures are preventable and typically do not bring new insights or discoveries because they happen in known territories. While accepting our fallibility is essential, implementing systems such as checklists, preparation and training can help mitigate these basic failures. Complex failures , similarly, do not fall in the category of "the right kind of wrong." They also occur within familiar settings but involve multiple causes and often show warning signs. Additionally, they may involve external uncontrollable factors. To address complex failures, the author advocates for awareness of early indicators and fostering psychological safety, enabling individuals to speak up when warning signs emerge. In contrast, intelligent failures are "the right kind of wrong". They have four key attributes: they occur in uncharted territory, present opportunities for advancement and learning, are informed by valuable knowledge and do not result in excessive waste. For example, scientists and inventors excel at navigating intelligent failures by approaching experimentation with curiosity and playfulness, aiming to expand knowledge and discoveries within their fields. My first tip for you is to notice the different types of failure: 1- In the context of basic and complex failures, this awareness prompts us to simultaneously accept our fallibility and humanity while actively working to minimize and prevent them. 2- in the context of intelligent failure, awareness empowers us to embrace these failures as opportunities for courageous growth and learning . This entails first recognizing and addressing the cognitive biases that make accepting failure difficult and then learning to reframe failure as part of the process, as a natural part of growth and exploration. How do we do that? Here is my second tip . Our innate response to failure, rooted in the limbic system, aims to protect us from the deep fear of rejection by our social group. The prospect of being cast out triggers intense feelings of unworthiness and undermines our self-esteem. This fear-driven response fuels confirmation bias, blinding us to alternative perspectives and hindering our ability to process information objectively, thus impeding our capacity for learning and growth. Resulting from various scientific disciplines such as neuroscience, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and performance science, Positive Intelligence presents a life-changing three-step strategy that empowers us to transform challenges and failures into opportunities for growth. Notice the negative thoughts and emotions we're experiencing, and create awareness. Support our brain to shift away from a flight or fight state to allow broader perspectives, creative thinking, and innovation by tuning into our bodily sensations (such as focusing on our breath! Deliberately choose our response - What helps us move forward? In life, failures are inevitable; there's no guarantee that our efforts will always yield success. Despite our best intentions and diligent work, outcomes may not align with our expectations. We cannot control life, but we can learn to recognize the type of failure we are facing and always choose our response ! As Viktor Frankl wisely stated, "Between stimulus and response, there is space. In that space lies the power to choose our response. It's within our response that our growth and freedom are found." I hope these tips will make failing less scary, or dare I say, an opportunity! Let’s continue growing together! I’m always here for you, Cristina

The power of celebration! To help habits stick and to be nicer to ourselves The quality of our habits determines the quality of our lives. Positive habits sustain our goals, make us proactive in life, instead of reactive, and bring us closer to happiness, well-being, and meaning. On the other hand negative habits bring us down, and make us feel stuck, unworthy, and incongruent with our plans and objectives. These self-defeating patterns work as automated behaviors that have become ingrained in our mind and body and that we struggle to get unstuck from. From my professional and personal experience, I know that there are 3 main successful strategies in overriding old and unuseful habits, with positive ones, aligned with our goals and mission. The first one is “start small” . Try to bring marginal and sustainable adjustment to your routine. Think of the smallest step you know you can commit 100% to that will bring you closer to your goal and just start with it. Don’t judge it for being small. Trust the process, it’s a step in the right direction. The second one is “habit stacking” . Try to stack that marginal adjustment to something that is already established in your life. Perhaps you want to “power down” after a long day in the office and you decide to leave your phone at the entrance of your home just after you take off your jacket. You have just stacked a new habit to an existing habitual behavior. Finally, here is the one that is the most important and effective: "to celebrate"! Numerous studies show that we deal with positive and negative information differently. Negativity bias offered a survival advantage to our ancestors when the threat of rejection from our tribe meant death. We are built to notice more and to be more sensitive to negative information and criticism. BJ Fogg, director of the Behavior Lab at Stanford, has found that adults have many ways to judge themselves negatively and very few ways of saying “I did a good job”. We focus on the negatives and we rarely recognise our accomplishments. So, based on the work of BJ Fogg, here is a tip that can become one of your superpowers to support the creation of positive habits and, ultimately, transform your life: the technique of “celebration”. The idea is to create an internal positive feeling on demand to neurologically wire the new habit into our brain. Try to think of a new habit you have been trying to introduce into your life. Once you're done reading this newsletter define what might be a small increment toward the creation of that habit, do it, and then celebrate yourself in your most natural and spontaneous way. Maybe you will say “Hurray”, maybe you will give yourself a big smile, you will stretch your arms up in the air, or a fist pump. Whatever is your very own way to celebrate, do it and notice how you feel in your body and mind. I bet it will be something related to a feeling of calm, confidence and energy. As BJ Fogg teaches: “Emotions create habits and celebration is the best way to create positive emotions that wire the new habit" Another bonus point about this technique is that it reminds us of and teaches us to treat ourselves more nicely , and to have our own back, a skill with very positive and powerful ripple effects in many aspects of life. I hope you feel curious and inspired to try this technique and I cannot wait to hear about what you are celebrating! I’m always here for you, Cristina

Time to rewrite your story? We all love stories. A good story creates trust, gives meaning, captures hearts, and connects. A good story is easily remembered and retold. Through storytelling, humanity has written history: around the bonfire, painted on cave walls or passed down verbally from one generation to another. With storytelling, we make sense of events, of the world. Research shows that stories create such a deep emotional connection that the brain waves of the listeners mirror the ones of the teller. I use a powerful tool in my coaching practice with all my clients and every time and again it has proven to be one of the most impactful exercises in my repertoire. Inspired by Positive Intelligence, I guide my coachees through an exercise called “the perfectly written story of your life” . The strong and beautiful assumption and mindset to use through the storytelling of our life is that nothing is ever wasted and that every single event, positive or negative, can be seen as an opportunity and a gift (even though at times we feel not ready yet). Our life might look meandric and random at first, but by reframing the pivotal moments of our life with this powerful perspective, we manage to: Make sense of the pieces of our life Define our identity by finding common threads and clues that help us clarify our values and sense of direction Rewrite our story in a wiser and more positive way Create a bigger frame to allow our development. Help us to completely accept ourselves Inform us of who we want to become. So, ready to give it a go? Grab a pen and a notebook and set aside 10-15 min . These are the steps for the exercise: Divide your life into 5 main chapters from when you were born until today (organize them in a way that makes sense considering the main events of your life) Think about the formative and pivotal moments in each chapter, notice your triumphs and failures Get curious and reflect on how these experiences have shaped you, your values, and your beliefs and helped you become who you are as a friend, parent, colleague, leader, etc. Ask yourself the question: what is the gift that this chapter gave me, that is still important for me today and will be in the future? Finally, what might be the main aspects, and ingredients of the new chapter that still need to be written? You have been through all those adventures in the perfectly written story of your life, but, what’s next for you? Notice the sense of authorship and groundedness that this exercise gives you. What do you know now about what motivates you? What impact do you want to have? What are your values? How do you want to show up? Here’s a quote for you: “Sometimes it is only when you see where you have been, that you can tell where you are heading” William Bridges Make your story your own guide and motivator , find acceptance, belonging, and strength in it. Give yourself this beautiful gift! I’m always here for you, Cristina

As adults we often believe we are done with growing and changing. However, science, and in particular the concept of neuroplasticity, teaches us something very different. As adults, our brain has still the ability to change. We can learn new things, enhance existing cognitive capabilities and strengthen lost or declining functions. Coaching is all about adult development One of the ways coaching allows us to continue growing is by r ediscovering our marginalized skills and strengths . Using the metaphor of a piano, we tend to play only the comfortable keys we find in front of us, the ones we have played many times, even creating a very pleasant (or not-so-pleasant) tune that others are so used to hearing. However, our keyboard is made of many more octaves than the ones we have in front of us, higher and lower in pitch, which if played, could deliver a more compelling and unique tune. How can we play the least used part of our keyboard? I love to tap into 3 main strategies. 1) As positive intelligence teaches us, we can use our saboteurs* to reclaim our strength“ . Saboteurs take our greatest strengths and convert them into our greatest weakness by overusing or abusing that strength.” Let’s take as an example the pleaser saboteur. If the pleaser is one of your top saboteurs, you are very empathic, loving and giving, tuned into others’ feelings and needs, emotionally self-aware, and with high emotional intelligence. Those are beautiful strengths you can tap into and use to easily connect with others, truly understand their needs, and show up as authentic and generous. These strengths can support you professionally and personally. Wow! Initially, it can be uncomfortable to become aware of our saboteurs and the negative impact and cost they can have in our life. However, they can also be used to reclaim our natural inner strengths. 2) Mirror exercise : sometimes what gets on our nerves about other people are areas of development for us, marginalized aspects that we unconsciously long for. As ORSC (Organisation, relations, and system coaching) teaches us, our partners become our mirror : what I see in you is really a mirror of myself! For example, I might be triggered by someone who is very relaxed and playful, in truth, their lightness might be something I long for in my life. Consider a personal or professional relationship in your life and notice what aspect irritates you. Then ask yourself how curious are you about bringing that aspect more into your life. Intriguing right? 3) The 2% rule : when someone attributes something to us that we believe is incorrect, there is always at least 2% truth in what they say. If we decide to follow this rule, if we can examine and own that 2% we can integrate successfully marginalized parts of us, become aware of them, and extend our range. Also, this supports us in being less defensive. We are converting a critique into an opportunity for growth. Beautiful! Marginalized selves are important resources within ourselves that get forgotten with time. It is so reassuring to know that they are still there for us, we just need to reach a little further on our imaginary keyboard by reframing our saboteurs and by learning from our relationships. I'd love to hear your thoughts! I’m always here for you. Cristina P.S. Get in touch if you need support with any of the strategies above! * Saboteurs: inner strategies and thought patterns we developed early in life to protect us from potential emotional risks, that are now outdated.

The secret to long-lasting relationships Let’s start by reframing the belief that relationships last long when there is no conflict. Rather, the key is to know how to manage and defuse them. We argue, we disagree, and we enter into conflict daily. If not de-escalated, those discussions end up weighing us down, consuming us, and depriving us of the positive mindset to work and live at our best. Badly managed conflicts can feel like a ticking bomb capable of ruining and breaking our relationships. In the context of the organization and relations coaching course I’m working on, I’ve been reflecting on the research about relationships by the Gottman Institute: it is the most extensive study ever done on relationship stability, with 40 years of study with over 3000 couples. Despite their study focuses on marital behaviour, their results are applicable to any personal or professional relationship. In the study, research shows that the secret weapon for a happy relationship is repair attempts. The Gottman Institute defines a repair attempt as “ any statement or action — silly or otherwise — that prevents negativity from escalating out of control .” Examples of repair attempts after an argument or conflict can be an invitation to go and have a coffee from a colleague, an offer to help with a family issue from a sibling, a goofy smile from a partner, a warm cup of tea from your teenage daughter, or a very powerful “I’m sorry”. The art of repairing includes both making and receiving repair attempts . It takes courage and creativity to make a repair attempt, so it’s very important to notice and acknowledge it. If you’re not quite ready to receive a repair attempt then at the very least acknowledge and thank the other person, and explain that you need some time to calm down. You can attempt a repair at any point in an argument but it’s best to try to repair early before the parts feel physically and psychologically overwhelmed. Repairing is not an admission that the other party was “right”, it is not about winning the argument. A repair attempt is an act of generosity with regard to the relationship you share and the bigger context you operate within. It’s about putting your relationship first, it’s not about “you and me” but it’s about ensuring that your relationship wins the fight. This perspective allows to shift the spotlight from our ego, so that we can take a few steps back and see what’s happening with more objectivity. Of course, trust and respect are essential for the success of the repair attempts. If criticism and contempt dominate the relationship, then the repairs go unheard, the other party withdraws and the conflict escalates and most likely gets out of control. This is true in every context: romantic relationships, friendships, relationships with family members, colleagues at work, etc Now, it’s time for my request/invite for you . In the next few weeks, I ask you to experiment with repair attempts in your relationships. learn to notice repair attempt from the people around you and try to accept them. As mentioned above, it takes courage and effort to offer attempts, so try to notice them and accept them as an invitation to put on the brakes to diffuse the tension and allow a quick reconciliation. next time you have a disagreement experiment with the art of repair attempt by getting creative with your very personal way to help your relationship to win over the conflict. Go and experiment! You will find that more repair attempts will make you spend less time with negative emotions and will help you cultivate healthier and longer-lasting relationships. Looking forward to hearing your comments and ideas.

Transitioning We are always transitioning, as individuals, as couples, as families, and as teams. Transitions are often seen as challenging and scary. After all, we cannot really see what there’s over the edge, over the horizon. While change is an external event or situation that takes place, transition is the internal shift we make in response to it. In the book “Transitions” by William Bridges, an expert on change and transition, he breaks down transition into three phases: Endings The Neutral Zone Beginnings These three phases give us the map and the points of reference of where we are when we transition. Paradoxically any transition has to begin with an ending . Something has changed, there has been a disruption of the status quo and we need to identify what we are losing, what is over, what we can let go, and what we will keep. Secondly, there is a territory (the neutral zone) that is in between and precedes the new phase. This territory is uncomfortable, it feels like limbo. We are not in our comfort zone there. As individuals it produces an identity crisis, of who I am, in relationships creates uncertainties about who we are and in organization creates re-organization, mergers, and so on. Every time we try something new, even just a new behaviour or a new perspective, we are moving away from what we know and identify with and transitioning into the unknown. In this stage, we are creating new processes and learning what our new roles will be . We often try to rush this stage in between, because the limbo is uncomfortable, but it’s critical to give it time so we can effectively process the ending before moving on to our new beginning. Finally, Beginnings involve new learnings, values and attitudes. Beginnings are an expression of a fresh identity. Well-managed transitions allow us to establish new roles with an understanding of our purpose, how we contribute, and the impact we have. And a new process starts. Everything is constantly changing and both positive and negative experiences are part of the process of transition that makes up the story of our lives . Learning to see any experience as a necessary part of the process, and becoming aware of the inevitable tides of life, is important to create some distance from the story we are telling about a situation (often catastrophizing or feeling like victims) and what the ultimate reality might be. I want to leave you with a fable from the Tao Book : “When an old farmer’s stallion wins a prize at a country show, his neighbour calls round to congratulate him, but the old farmer says “who knows what is good and what is bad?”. The next day some thieves come and steal his valuable animal. His neighbour comes to commiserate him, but the old man replies “who know what is good and what is bad?” A few days after the spirited stallion escapes from the thieves and joins a herd of wild mares, leading them back to the farm. The neighbour calls to share the farmer’s joy, but the farmer says “who knows what is good and what is bad?” The following day, while trying to break in one of the wild mares, the farmer’s son is thrown and fractures his leg. The neighbour calls to share the farmer’s sorrow, but the old man’s attitude remains the same as before. The following week the army passes by, forcibly conscripting soldiers for war, but they do not take the farmer’s son because he cannot walk. The neighbour thinks to himself “who knows what is good and what is bad?” I invite you to reflect on this fable by noticing what this perspective can bring into your life. For me, it brings lightness, a reminder that we are all on our very personal journey and that everything can be turned into an opportunity for growth and for becoming more “me” (self-actualisation). Finally, try to notice where you might be in your “transition map”, at this moment of your life. Are you in the neutral zone, at the end, at the beginning? Just knowing where you are on the “transition map” will help you to be more present in your experience, to have the courage to let go of the old, to embrace the uncertainty of neutral zone and finally embark on a new beginning… and grow! Please, contact me if you need support with navigating a particular transition in your life. I’m always here for you, Cristina